


Burning

by didyousaygay



Series: My Personal Solar System [7]
Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25180450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didyousaygay/pseuds/didyousaygay
Summary: being in love is just the beginning
Relationships: Stellvester Ajero/John Paulo Nase
Series: My Personal Solar System [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774648
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Burning

**Author's Note:**

> you might have to read Cloudy and High Noon before you proceed with this
> 
> thank you

**30 minutes**

Stell mentally gives himself a pat on the back for a job well done. Half an hour ago, if you asked him if he is capable of actually sitting still, his answer would've been a resounding no. He's not a hyperactive person per se but he simply believes that life is too short to just idle around and sit in one corner. Majority of his friends have already resigned to the fact that he runs on energizer batteries and only sleep can make him shut up. He has awesome friends and he will treasure them for life.

That is why when he disturbed Josh and he suddenly blurts out a "Stell, di ako nagbibiro, sit in one corner and shut up. Kahit 30 minutes lang!" it caught him off guard because his long time friend just scolded him as if he's a three year old throwing temper tantrums. He doesn't feel offended at all but it amused him once his initial shock was gone because what kind of serious business is the guy doing in his phone at 2 am? 

He took it as a challenge and answered "Pag nakaya kong tumahimik ng 30 minutes, sasabihin mo sa'kin kung sino yang kausap mo. Deal?" 

Josh stared at him intently "Tingnan natin." and went back to texting. 

Back to the present where he is sitting at the edge of the bed facing the wall. He's actually tired and he hates being tired. Come to think of it, no sane person would ever want to feel tired. And any sane, responsible and tired adult's response to this dilemma is to sleep and call it a day. But his mind is still active beyond logic and reasons and his body is trying to keep up. The frustration from the last four days continues to fuel his restlessness.

All because after their concert, he never had any alone time with Sejun. Their trip consisted of practice, concert, fan meet, video shoot, another fan meet and most of the time, they are out as a group and he is almost at his wits end. 

He checks his phone to find out that he actually managed to sit still for 40 minutes and it's time for Josh to pay up when somebody knocks on their door. He perks up, even if it's an unlikely chance that Sejun could be at the other side, he's still some what hopeful.

Josh opens the door and talks to the person with a hushed tone "Ano Ken, ang tagal mo, clear na ba?"

He looks at them and his face probably shows extreme disappointment that caused Ken to complain "Grabe Stell, ganyan talaga ka disappointed dahil hindi ako si Sejun, nakakatampo naman!" 

Josh straight away pushes Ken in the center of the room, panic evident in his face. "Wag ka maingay Ken! Baka magising si Jah. At pag tayo nahuli."

He's about to ignore them when Ken gives him a knowing look, waving a key card on his hand with a smug face. It made him frown at first because why would Felip Jhon look so impressed with himself? What's so special with that anyway?

That is until his sleep deprived brain finally kept up. He is about to jump and snatch the key card away from Ken like a neanderthal when Josh grabs him by the collar of his shirt, making him fall flat on his back on top of the bed.

He's still lying on his back when Josh looks down on him, arms across his chest with a stern expression and speaks to him with an imperative tone. His face not giving away any hint of humor. "Bago ka namin palabasin dito, repeat after me Stell."

He sits up and fixes his shirt. The neckline almost strangling him when Josh grabbed him earlier like a pre-school bully. "Ang sakit nun Josh ha, galit ka ba sa'kin? Anong repeat after you!??" 

"Repeat after me o hindi mo makikita si Sejun?" If Josh's tone was commanding earlier, his words now sounded more like a threat.

Josh doesn't have to threaten him though. The mere mention of Sejun's name set his priorities straight and he nods "Repeat after you, eto na po, susunod na."

Josh mentions the rules one by one and he repeats them like a model student without complain.

"Pag may nasalubong akong staff, no ifs, no buts, u-turn at babalik sa room namin."

"Gigising ng 6am at babalik dito bago magising sina PD-nim."

"Hindi kami lalabas ng room--" Josh glares at him. "Hoy Stell! Yang utak mo!"

"Ikaw naman kasi Josh eh, wag kasi ganon!" He laughs and blushes at the thought because yeah, he's whipped that much.

  
"Seryoso Stell, umayos ka."

"Seryoso na, salamat senyo ha."

"Ang drama, alis na."

**Four Hours**

He almost tripped over nothing as he ran two doors away like a madman. He takes a deep breath when he reached the room, his mind on overdrive imagining how Sejun will react when he sees him. As soon as the key card beeps, he felt his body tense. He can almost hear his heartbeat aggressively drumming against his chest.

When he opens the door, his eyes fix on the lit up bed side lamp. The single bed beside it is where Sejun is sleeping, his whole body covered with a blanket, his fluffy hair peaking out from the sheets and he's suddenly overwhelmed by the desire to run his fingers through Sejun's hair. It's been weeks since he was able to do that and he can still clearly recall how Sejun would lean his head towards him every time he brushes his hair away from his pretty face. He smiled at the thought that he used to do that all the time when he was still unaware of his feelings but now, just thinking about sitting beside Sejun sends him into unparalleled bliss. He's not even sure if that is still considered normal or he's already borderline obsessed. 

He almost trips again with the way he rushed towards Sejun, the relentless need to just close the distance between them has been haunting him for days and now that he's just a few steps away, he can't contain his emotions. He feels his chest tighten upon closer look when he sees that Sejun is sleeping on the right side of the bed, his usual place when they sleep together. 

  
Sejun stirs in his sleep, he unconsciously pulls the blanket leaving the left side exposed and he can't help but chuckle. _How can this man be so adorable even when he's not doing anything? He's just sleeping but trying to kill me at the same time._

Sejun is not a heavy sleeper but Stell knows he's still asleep when he lies down beside him, claiming his very own left side of the bed. He's just staring at Sejun's back, still trying to tell himself that this is real.

He slowly moves, he wraps his arm around Sejun's waist while pulling him closer. He can smell his shampoo, his aftershave, his scent and Stell just breathes it all in. Sejun and his everything. Because Sejun is everything and he almost wants to cry about that realization.

Sejun moves, finally awake. He doesn't say anything but he moves closer towards him until his back is against his chest and if not for the thick duvet that is still between them, Sejun will definitely feel how erratic his heart is beating just by being close to him. They stay like that for God knows how long. 

Sejun breaks the silence. "Hi Stell."

He smiles, his lips brushing Sejun's nape and he can feel him shiver. "Hi."

"Bat nandito ka?"

"Namiss ko na kasing maagawan ng kumot pag madaling araw."

Sejun laughs. "Since feeling generous ako ngayon, willing ako mag-share." He unwraps himself with the blanket, lifting the hem to let him in under the sheets.

Stell inches closer and finally wraps Sejun in a tight hug. Their frantic heart beats syncing into one. Their limbs tangled under the sheets and Stell sighs in relief. "Salamat Pau."

"Go to sleep, Tey."

Whatever words or issues that they need to talk about, it can wait. 

**One Hour**

"Stell, gising."

Stell rubs his eyes and re-orients himself. He's not in his room, after five days of restless nights, he finally slept like a carefree child beside his favorite person. He opens his eyes fully and boy he wasn't prepared when Sejun's smiling face welcomes him back to the real world. Their faces are just inches away and _God, why is he so beautiful this early?_

He touches Sejun's face, and Sejun leans in to his touch. He can see the blush slowly creeping up from his cheeks and all the way up to his ears. He can feel himself blushing as well, he had to hide his face by snuggling closer to Sejun's neck. "Anong oras na? 6 na ba?"

Sejun hugs him. Not sure if it's just his imagination or his half asleep state but he felt Sejun kiss the top of his head. He was about to look up when Sejun hugs him tighter, not wanting him to move. "5 am pa lang."

"Ha? May one hour pa tayo....." He squirms underneath and Sejun lets him go. He gives him an inquisitive look. "Pinapaalis mo na ko?" 

"May ipapakita ko sa'yo, bangon na." Sejun whispers in his ears.

He was feeling bold at that moment because he knows. Sejun also wants him the same way he does. "Wala naman akong ibang gustong makita, ikaw lang."

"Tey, bangon na, please..."

He reluctantly gets up, how can he say no to that face?!

**14 Minutes**

It was still dark when they reached the roof top. The stars are almost fading behind the bluish tint of the sky, signalling that sunrise is coming soon. The whole area is surrounded by thick glass that protects them from the cold morning breeze and a scenic 360 view of the whole city is in display. No one is there except them and Sejun guides him in an area with stone benches tucked away in the corner.

  
They sat beside each other, their shoulders and knees not even an inch apart.

"I found this place last night, pagbalik natin from dinner. Hindi kasi ako makatulog." Sejun brushes his hair back with his fingers and through the faint light from the dwindling stars, he can see that Sejun is in deep thought.

_Hindi ka ba makatulog kasi wala ako?_ was the real question in his mind but instead "Sayang pauwi na tayo, di na natin makikita, maganda siguro yung sunset dito."

"I prefer sunrise over sunsets. Mas hopeful." Sejun finally smiles without apprehension.

Stell can only look at him in awe.

Hope. Just what he needs right now. "Ako din, bat lagi na lang tayong pareho. Kainis ka." He hopes that since they're always on the same page when it comes to a lot of things, maybe it's not too greedy for him to think that he can ask for more.

Sejun doesn't say anything but looks at him intently. His hand is resting on his knee and since he started feeling hopeful towards whatever they have, Stell tries to reach out and hold his hand but Sejun moves his hand away and laughs. "Akala mo ba hindi ko alam yang binabalak mo Ajero?"

"Alam mo naman pala, bat ang damot mo?" He pouts and they both laugh.

"Ayan na yung araw Stell." Sejun looks up. His face full of anticipation to see mother nature's spectacle.

The sun comes up slowly, creeping, starting from a blazing spec of light that breaks through the vastness of the sky. Its radiance may be small compared to the never ending horizon but as it emerges from the twilight, the fiery hues of red and orange illuminates the burning sky.

He looks at Sejun instead as the sun gradually rises. He's looking intently at the sky with a smile. But it's clear that he is back in deep thought. When the sun's full blazing glory emerges, the warm rays shine on Sejun's smiling face. From how close he's sitting beside him, he can see the dark rings under his eyes, the traces of exhaustion and the hint of uncertainty in his expression. His imperfections showing but at the same time, he looks ethereal and precious and all he wants to do is to take care of him.

"Paulo.."

"Don't say it." 

"Ang daya mo naman, ano sa tingin mo, pag hindi ko sinabi, safe, hindi counted, hindi nag-eexist?" 

"Not saying it doesn't make it less true. Pero saying it comes with conditions and consequences. Ano sa tingin mo, pagkasabi mo ganon lang yun?" Sejun looks at him with glassy eyes and he knows. It's not easy for Sejun to say those words but he still needs to.

"So pipiliin mong iignore na lang yung nararamdaman natin?"

"Tapos, paano? We can't have everything Stell. So not until we're sure about what we want to do about these feelings, let's leave everything unsaid."

He wants to be mad but the rational side of his brain is asking him to be mad at who? With Sejun? The answer is a distinct NO. He can never hate Sejun. Be mad at what? Their circumstances? Their career? They worked hard and still working hard for it. Anger is not the answer and he sadly knows that. "Pag may concert ulit tayo dito sa Dubai, ako ang unang una magpoprotesta."

"Ayaw mo na ba bumalik? Ang dami kaya nating fans dito." Sejun is now playing with the ripped pattern in his jeans. His head hanging low and Stell knows he's trying to choose his words carefully.

"Dito mo ko binasted eh, so ayoko nang bumalik dito."

"Hala, di ka naman binasted. Wala namang papalit sa'yo."

"Tama na Pau, ang sakit na eh." He tries to deliver it as a joke, but everyone knows how jokes go and how much of it is true.

Sejun looked like he wanted to say something but both of their phone rings and the clock shows 6:15 am, Josh calling his phone, Justin calling Sejun.

"Lagot tayo kay Josh, takbo Stellvester!"

"Kapag tayo napagalitan, sasabihin ko ikaw ang master mind Nase!" 

They used the stairs and ran, as fast as they can, away from that roof top, until the sad stone bench is just an obscure memory, until everything around them is just a blur, until their gasping for air, hoping that the pain in his chest is caused by his lungs craving for oxygen and not his heart yearning for someone.

**Touchdown**

"Hinding hindi na talaga kita gagawan ng favor Stell. Last mo na yun, last nyo na ni Sejun yun!"

"Grabe ka naman Josh, buong flight na nga ako nagso-sorry eh, galit ka pa rin?"

"Ano ba kasing nangyari?! Instead na umayos kayo, parang lalong naging magulo. Sarap nyo pag-untugin eh. Babaha na naman ng sad songs yang demo ni Sejun, gigil na ko senyo ha."

"Josh, tama na, hayaan na muna natin sila." Justin gently pulls Josh away to calm him down.

"Pasensya na." He knows that they're concerned and worried but he's not ready to share it with anyone yet.

He looks at Sejun from far. He's back to his self imposed isolation and reading a book that he bought in the airport when their Manila bound flight was announced to be re-routed for a short lay over in Singapore. They haven't talked to each other since they left Dubai and now that they have crossed time zone and countries, he's not sure how to count the hours that they've been apart. How do you move on from a failed relationship that didn't even start in the first place?

"Ang late pala ng araw dito noh?"

Ken is looking at him with a sympathetic smile.

"Pasensya na talaga sa inyo---"

"Sabi ko Stell.." Ken cuts him off, not wanting to hear another apology. "late pala ang araw dito, tingnan mo sa labas, 7:30 am na, sisikat pa lang yung araw oh." 

He looks out through the floor to ceiling glass overlooking the airport runway and the horizon and sees the familiar burning colors of the sky as dawn breaks. He can still hear Sejun's voice saying how he likes sunrises because of the hope that it signifies. He should feel the debilitating pain any minute now but to his surprise, he feels relieved. He feels hopeful. His eyes lingered to where Sejun is seated and finds out that he's also looking at the sunrise with a longing expression.

Sejun has always been the sun. A given fact that its light has always been a constant presence but you won't notice the intensity until it burns you in high noon. It hides during cloudy skies but you know it will shine again.

His love for Sejun started like the sunrise, a slow but steady ascent, until its blazing rays made everything warm and brighter and no matter where he goes, it's always there.

It's true that nothing really changed with his epiphany. The real world is still unforgiving, but the sun will always shine. He remembers Sejun's words when they were two insignificant people in that quiet corner of Dubai. He was full of questions and regret back then that he missed out on what Sejun was trying to say.

_"Wala namang papalit sa'yo."_

Sejun looks at him, they've always been that way. One looks when the other is looking. That's how they gravitate. He takes a deep breath, he's ready to say it now. Sejun somehow understanding what he's planning to do stands up and mouths a NO while shaking his head.

PAULO!!!! He shouts his name with a smile.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading


End file.
